Me: Kimberly and I read a short segment on the benefit of moving from hope (about results) to hopelessness. I understood it to be similar to my moving from evaluating my journey based on success of whatever kind as taught by dad to understanding that my own soul is your whole focus. When I settle into that view, success becomes incidental and things falling apart around me… do not undermine my ability to live into the good because I AM the good regardless of my context. So like the reading, I “lose hope” in results or I give up on trying to bring them about (or focus on just surviving in disaster). I’m called to move more deeply into love regardless of the context. I’m trying to learn to just let my hard feelings be. I mean I need to listen to them as they tell me of needs I have, but often I don’t know what I need. I think unhappy feelings are usually (always?) alerting us to something we need, but I am coming to think that they are doing something of value even if I can’t understand them… for instance, helping us be better listeners to our spirits or slowing us down or helping us be empathetic.
God: I’m sad that you were so deeply scarred in your view of me as some harsh, hard-nosed master. I’m sad not just because it hurt you, but because it so deeply hurt our relationship. I hate that that happened. But as you know all things can be redeemed, so the end will be better than if you had not had that terrible struggle. The kitchen garbage makes the soil rich for growing beauty of all kinds. All your pain I will compost into beauty over time. I hope you can trust me with that. Even our relationship is going to blossom far more and go much deeper than it would have without your long suffering. Thank you for letting me in to transform that for you because nothing fills me more than sinking deeper into relating with you. You are my joy!
Me: Thank you. That is very encouraging. Help me rest more often in that view that you are constantly doing good in me, dwelling more intimately within me. How amazing!
Janathan Grace Reflections 
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