I continue here sharing some of my interactions with God
5/22/24 ME: So I was more relaxed this morning, lying in bed for a bit before getting up and starting the morning reading Facebook…. I can see also how relaxing can be “artificial” when it is disconnection or distraction rather than soul refreshing, but being too intentional and making relaxation a task is also problematic. Even evaluating relaxation too closely is likely to turn it towards duty and away from joy or peace: “Am I really relaxing in a beneficial way?”… maybe the better question is “Does this really feel good?” which focuses on my wellbeing not the target outcome. Any input here God?
GOD: I trust you more than you trust yourself. You really work to be honest with yourself and lean into healthy living, which is great. Healthy living, like healthy eating, is not finding the exact right proportion, but living in freedom while generally leaning toward what seems good. It is not a science or mathematical equation, but an experimental, intuitive dance with yourself… and with me—I like to watch you, whether you notice me or not, and also to join you (again, whether you notice me or not). Just lean and notice, that’s all. Don’t stress over “getting it right,” there is no “right.” It’s an improvisational dance! When you think about it, that’s kind of what “flow” means—sometimes in the middle of the churning current, sometimes eddying near the bank. You are not responsible for the flow. I am the river. Your part is more play than work for sure.
ME: Okay, but it often doesn’t feel like play and I can feel a reluctance to trust you on this, like maybe it’s too good to be true.
GOD: I know it’s hard for you. For two-thirds of your life you were deeply formed into a drudge-worker or more like a slave. How terrible that you saw me as a slave-master! What deeply corrupting teaching that was! I wish you could believe that all I want is to hang out with you, talk, be friends, enjoy one another, watch you express your beauty in the world. You really are beautiful just as you are! You are my delight apart from anything you do or don’t do. Come sit with me on this swing and just enjoy being together!
ME: Thank you. I so need to be reminded of what is so basic and simple and what is the only thing that matters—that you are with me and I am with you. My worry of getting the dance steps “wrong” lessened a bit as you shared your heart with me. Let me be “wrong” as long as I’m wrong with you. Help me trust that you will keep the dance going. I even feel a little joy sneaking in… to think that I am dancing with the God of the universe!
Janathan Grace Reflections 