Deep Friends   1 comment

My mind keeps bouncing with thoughts of what it means to support others.  It is difficult to be a strong support without a deep, well established relationship, one in which each person is known genuinely and accepted for who he or she is.  My wife and I do this for each other, but neither of us has experienced it fully in any other relationship.  We have both had very effective counselors who understood us and accepted us fully, a rich and rare gift even among therapists, but the client-therapist relationship is limited by its professionalism and lack of mutuality. 

My relationship with Kimberly is not perfect by any means.  We regularly have to deal with issues that cause tension and distance in our relationship, but we do deal with them fully, which is unusual.  We talk through our problems, each of us discovering and sharing our true fears and hurts, and return to a place of trust and acceptance with deeper self and mutual understanding.  I tend to forget how unusual and valuable a gift Kimberly is to me and I to her. 

We each wanted a spouse that was completely supportive, supportive (it turned out) of our coping mechanisms.   Instead, we found the person who continually challenges our pretenses by simply being themselves.  Since I am insecure, I wanted a wife who is always affirming so as to shore up my sense of worth.  In other words, I don’t feel okay about myself, but if my significant other constantly tells me I am okay, it helps me ignore those gnawing doubts.  Instead, I got someone who, although affirming, refused to play the role of “Worth Giver.”  Rather than being saved from my insecurities by lavish reassurances, I was forced to acknowledge and deal with them.  But when I admitted my issues, my wife accepted me for who I really was (instead of affirming the person I really wasn’t).

We expressed this to each other in our wedding vows.  Mine read in part, “God has used you to set my soul free and alive in truth as I never imagined.  You see me for who I am and who I can be and accept me as I am while believing with me for who I am becoming.  I am safe with you, even my deepest, most vulnerable parts, but you also encourage me and challenge me to grow.”  Just now my cheeks got damp reading that again and remembering the incomparable blessing of having a wife like her.  Such honest and accepting relationships may grow also between friends and relatives, but I think few people in this life ever find it.

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Posted December 9, 2010 by janathangrace in Uncategorized

One response to “Deep Friends

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  1. Dear Kent,Thank you so much for sharing this with me. Wow…makes me think out loud…. I thank Jesus for giving you Kimberly. Also as I read your part of the vow, I couldn’t help but think is not the kind of relationship the LORD wants me to have with Him?Regards,Santanu.

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