I have not posted in two months because I have been struggling with depression more than usual, and when I am in that place, I only have energy for the essentials. It took me two months to figure out why I was struggling. I should have figured it out the first week, but after a lifetime of emotional neglect, I find it very difficult to identify problems that crop up.
I currently work at a private college library (Lynchburg College) supervising student workers. The job is not only part time (28-30 hours), but is only for the school year, so I was furloughed over Christmas (and will be over summer). To make up for the winter drop in income, I took a part time job cleaning up some organizational messes at my previous employment. I knew I didn’t like the job, but it took me 6 weeks to figure out that it was also pulling down my whole life experience. Thankfully, it was a temporary setup anyway.
The last 15 years of my life I have been depressed, and though I did all I could to get free, nothing restored my soul. For 10 years now I have considered taking medication. At first I was reluctant because of the stigma (both from a religious perspective as well as a professional one). After working my way through that barrier, I was reluctant because I thought it might distance me from my own emotions and so make it more difficult to grow more healthy. I was also reluctant to become dependent on meds, and to drive up insurance costs (on applications they always ask). But 4 weeks ago I finally decided to give medication a try. I understand it takes quite a bit of trying to find the right one, so we will see how it goes. I am hopeful, though so far I’ve experienced no significant changes. I would ask for the prayers of those who believe in prayer (and the well-wishes of those who don’t).
Janathan Grace Reflections 
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