On the Lam   1 comment

I have not visited my own site since I last posted.  When I sink too far down, I just work each day on breathing.  Sickness of soul has many comparisons with physical illness, and in both cases healing requires rest, the kind of rest and as much of it as a soul and body need.  Most of  my life I put my body and soul on strict rations, telling them what they needed and giving only that.  I now realize my body and soul are a good bit smarter than my brain in knowing what they lack.  I now see my brain is called to support those needs and not contradict and fight them.  What I need, I need.  There is no shame in needing.


It is true that being “needy” is considered socially ugly in America.  Some of this springs from a reaction to manipulators, folks who take advantage of others’ sympathy–and as a healthy boundary this caution may be good–but I suspect much of it springs from a sense of prideful independence… at least I know how powerfully this has worked in my life.  And the natural partner to pride is shame (recognized or not), so I have also been ashamed for my need of others, as well as fearful of their resentment in helping me.  I have discovered that the more I try to deny my needs, the more I close off grace from my life.  Openly acknowledged need is the entry point for grace, though such vulnerability must be exercised with wisdom since letting down the defenses not only allows for more personal healing and deepened relationship, but may also open the way for much harsher wounding, depending on the response of the one we trust.  I thank God often for my trustworthy wife.


Posted January 29, 2012 by janathangrace in Personal

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One response to “On the Lam

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  1. I am often not half as trustworthy as I’d like to be for you, Janathan. I thank God for our continual forgiveness of one another for not quite being what we’d like to be for each other. I think an amazing thing is that we’ve learned to trust in our bond, so that if we do fail one another, we are still able to come back and offer the other another chance to be trustworthy. Thank you for continually coming back.

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