A Gentle Day   Leave a comment

Today was a mildly good day emotionally, and I thought it should be noted since I haven’t been on the positive side of the ledger in a long time.  It was not exciting or fulfilling or memorable, but pleasant in a blue-hazy way.  In the past I tried desperately to decode the secret of a day like this–what did I do right or avoid doing wrong?  How can I keep this going?  Like a capsize-victim scrambling to straddle a rolling barrel, I soon tipped over again, even more tired and discouraged from all my scraping and clawing.

Now I have a better appreciation for the staid Buddhists who let the feelings pass through like vapors across a room.  If God or the universe or my beleaguered soul is sending a message, it needs to be less cryptic.  I keep my eyes open, but when fog settles in, patience is the better part of wisdom.  Insight often takes the slow train, and pacing the platform doesn’t get it here any faster.  As Erwin Schrodinger says, “In an honest search for knowledge, you quite often have to abide by ignorance for an indefinite period” (a quantum physicist validating my confusion!).  I have learned to enjoy the good while it lingers, not weighing it down with questions or trying to finagle an extension.  It is what it is for as long as it is, and when it smiles,  I am grateful.

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Posted September 26, 2013 by janathangrace in Personal

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