New Year’s Irresolutions   2 comments

I went to bed early tonight and slept through the preliminary fireworks, but the midnight burst woke me enough to chase away the sandman.  So here I sit against the pillows, thinking.  Before today, each new year piqued some fresh aspect of soul-building, but life (with God’s apparent cooperation) seems to have slowly drained me of a future focus and left me living day-to-day.  All ambition, any hopes I had for some meaningful role in the world, has been pushed far away so that I am reduced to waiting… indefinitely… perhaps till the end of my days.

I’ve been trapped here for a year or maybe two.  The good news, I think, is that my sense of worth has been slowly stripped free of its bondage to accomplishment.  It feels odd—why am I still on earth if I have no purpose for being here—but it no longer feels painful or shameful or condemning, like I’ve been benched for screwing up.  My life perspective has devolved into “It is what it is.”  I’m ready to get back in the game if I’m called on, but I’ve put my sweats back on, and I’m okay to just sit and watch the action from the sidelines.

So here’s to a year without resolutions… or plans… or expectations.  That’s a first for me.


Posted January 1, 2014 by janathangrace in Personal

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2 responses to “New Year’s Irresolutions

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  1. You always share such realness. I’ve been there somewhat, and can relate in a small way. Here’s to your new year…with no expectations!

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