Miss me?   12 comments

I have been gone for a long time from these pages, struggling to survive the process of moving from Lynchburg, VA to Asheville, NC.  It was high stress on every level for the last few months, a story worth telling sometime.  I finally feel settled at my new house (rental), new job, new city, and new routines… settled does not mean pleasant or happy, just doable.  Kimberly is working as an adoption event coordinator for a local animal rescue called Brother Wolf.  My part time Home Depot job transferred, and I just went to interview for a part time job at a community college library.  I continue to flounder in life, wishing for some useful, fulfilling role to play in this world, but having little excess energy to invest in that whole pursuit.  So I drag along, trying to encourage and support those around me as I look for ways to lift up my own soul, though my soul seems immune to any remedy I apply.  For some of us, a participation award is the best we can do.

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Posted December 4, 2016 by janathangrace in Uncategorized

12 responses to “Miss me?

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  1. I am so happy that you are in back on-line. I read your blogs and I have been blessed over the years by your honesty, humility and grace. May the Lord strengthen you as you give back out what He gives you day by day, step by step, season by season…

    Christine Sanders Mercer
  2. Jonathan, Have you thought about going back to school for a future job?

    • Paul, it’s complicated. For instance I would love to teach college or grad school, but a PhD is a very long process, and I would be in my 60s by the time I got my degree, and it is very hard to get a teaching position for anyone, not to mention someone at that age. I have considered going into counseling, but again it is a lot of time (not just for the degree, but the practicum which is often 2 or more years), and in both cases, there would be a great deal of debt to try to pay off. Wish I had a do-over because I think I took the wrong direction in life.

  3. Like Christine, I am happy to hear from you and have missed you too. Thank you for your update. May God bless you and keep you safe.

  4. Dearest Janathan,
    I know that the work you do to pay the rent is not what you ever had in mind as a “meaningful” profession. But I am speaking now as someone who has never done anything except jobs to pay the rent and has spent decades trying to see God in the shadows, the cracks, the mysteries and the fearful darkness as well as in the light and joy of life. So I see the world differently.

    (1) I believe profoundly and deeply and irrevocably that for those who have given their hearts and souls to God without reservation – he uses them (in his own way) 100% of the time. Simply because they are, at every moment, consciously leaving their lives in his hands, he is free to use every circumstance and encounter of their every moment (day and night) to bring about his wishes and desires in this troubled world.

    (2) Your ministry through this blog and through your FB presence is a far more effective, meaningful, and relevant than any full-time Christian work could ever hope to be. This online world is where people are, where they need to encounter the grace and light of God, where they are their true selves (not the “dressed up” selves they bring to church).

    (3) God has many people working in full-time ministry. That is a very limited scope and getting more limited as society shifts its collective and individual focus away from organizations of every type and into the global internet world where we surf the tides of thought and emotion that roll around the world. What God desperately needs are those who can bear the soul-jarring spiritual disconnect of the everyday world of average people – the world of daily work, doing things for someone else, to help the other people get more money – in order to simply be his conscious presence in the daily grind of life. He needs those hearts and minds turned toward him in the everyday circumstances that are common to the 99% of the world so that his love and grace and light can (unknown to his lovers who are struggling to survive in the morass) shine into the daily life of the world.

    I recognize that my thoughts do not often connect with other people’s minds. So if this comes across on your end as so much gibberish…. not to worry! Just put it in the pile with all my other gibberish!!

    love and hugs
    Mardi

    • I suppose there are many different features which allow a job to provide a sense of meaningfulness–I think the relationships you have at your job is perhaps what does it for you. It is a complex issue psychologically, but I think the problem is not primarily my mindset (that I think only certain kinds of work are valuable), but that my soul has not found compatibility with the jobs I have had the last 6 years. It may be that I can be a help to others online, but my soul needs face-to-face engagement. I expect that if I had this outside my work context, it would positively impact my work as well.

      • yes. i totally understand. And you are right that for the past 15 years I have been blessed with a workplace that appreciates me and which I appreciate. ….. I have also found very low-brow methods of achieving happiness in non-rewarding jobs…… like wearing really nice outfits and jewlery to work makes me feel happy all day!! Not something that would translate for a guy probably! But I am just vain enough and shallow enough that that really works for me! Still does!! In the Woody Allen movie “Annie Hall” he asks a passing couple why they are so happy with their lives and they both reply “because we are incredibly shallow”!!!

      • You are hardly shallow! But you are blessed with an ability to find significant benefit from simple experiences.

  5. Praying for you and Kim. Wishing you a rewarding year as you look back on 2017 this time next year!! Looking upward– God bless you guys!!
    Pat Major

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