Janathan Grace Reflections   This is my journey of self discovery shared with you

Today marks the winter solstice when darkness reaches its full power, chasing daylight into retreat. This looming darkness and cold is SAD for many (an apt acronym for Seasonal Affective Disorder), especially after the holiday season blinks out, especially in the dreary Northwest, overcast from September to May. In the past I put my head down and trudged through the darkness, holding my breath until spring buds. I have seen winter darkness as a killjoy, sucking the life out of all the earth. Last week Kimberly told me hope highlights the misery of the present. We hope for the good that we now lack. I have often used hope to give me stamina in the dark, as though the goal is simply to hang on until something better comes. But what if the dark is full of its own unique blessing, like dark chocolate, then I miss it by wishing it gone and pushing it away.

Please don’t equate my new perspective with the toxic forced happiness which tries to shout down misery. That is just another way of rejecting the darkness rather than receiving it. Telling myself “this isn’t so bad” or “others have it worse” or “be grateful for what you do have” is just another way to stifle and reject the blessing of winter. Sadly I have been blind to the goodness that darkness brings. Darkness is a safe womb, a quiet rest after tough days, a calming from excess stimulation, an invitation to turn inward. Darkness is an invitation to self-care and inner growth.

I was raised to believe work was the good, so rest curtailed the good–it was necessary, like pooping, but just as useless. Resting was unproductive and usually a sign of self-indulgence or weakness that should be overcome as much as possible. It was cousin to laziness. But what if rest, like the space between musical notes, was an equal partner in creating good? What if rest was just as blessed? “Then God blessed the seventh day and sanctified it, because in it He rested from all His work.” The one day that was blessed and sanctified was the rest day!

Darkness was part of creation itself, part of what God called “very good,” and not only because it invited rejuvenating rest. I think of the many ways I might welcome the blessing of the cold, dark, wet, drab months ahead, possibilities start churning. I want to partner with the winter, not fight it. Instead of trying to create color out of greyish hues, I want to find the unique beauty in black-and-white. Instead of just sheltering against the cold, I want to lean into the delights of coziness–hot drinks, fuzzy pajamas and cuddling up are so pleasurable in winter. I want my indoor life in winter to be as rich as my outdoor life in summer and to enjoy the outdoors in ways that embrace the season. If you don’t have a ball you can’t play soccer, but you could play tag… or invent a new game entirely. In fact the absence of a ball stimulates greater creativity! Winter is not a season of deprivation, but of new possibilities.