Archive for the ‘Advent’ Tag

Death of Hope   6 comments

As Kimberly and I walked our dogs yesterday, I shuffled through my disjointed thoughts and feelings, arranging and rearranging them, trying to sort out with her the contours of my despair.  For two weeks I have felt crushed by the racial divides in our country, but unable to speak, silenced by the angry retorts that always come.  “Why do I feel such deep despair in hearing that dissent?” I asked Kimberly.  “It’s natural to be discouraged,” I went on, “since I smart when my thoughts are rejected and I grieve for those condemned by the critical reactions.  I can see a handful of reasons to be disheartened, but my anguish is so much deeper than that and crushes me at hearing just one or two retorts.  Why do I despair?”

After an hour of trying to fit the emotional pieces together it became clear that I was suffering from the collapse of my worldview.  I have struggled for two decades with my own impotence to change the world in some small way (as I mentioned here),  but I faced that personal uselessness by clinging to a broader hope for the world–that others would bring the change I could not.  If I was not a player on the winning team, I could still cheer on the good guys from the bleachers.  This year it has slowly been dawning on me that my hope is misplaced.  My team will not save the day, we cannot save the day, we are not saviors.  In fact, we are all in as much need of a Savior as the rest of the world around us.  We are all broken.  And along with our broken world we await the day of redemption.

I don’t mean to suggest that we can bring no good to the world.  We must work to bind up our little tattered corners of society, but ultimately it is a patchwork affair, a jerry-rigging until the Great Healer comes to bring us true and full peace at last.  As grace-infused people, we do not offer a resolution on this day, but a resolve until that day, we hold up a light of hope in this dark, troubled world.  That doesn’t seem much like the “Christmas spirit” of sleigh bells, bright lights, and belly-laughing Santas, but perhaps I misunderstand the true meaning of advent hope.

“Oh, come, oh, come Emmanuel and ransom captive Israel that mourns in lowly exile here until the Son of God appear.”  Those words rang so true to my forlorn spirit, that they brought me to tears this week, tears of heartache but also of hope: “Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.”  We cling to the first advent in expectation of the second.

Posted December 11, 2014 by janathangrace in Personal

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