Unhappy Avoidance   Leave a comment

My old laptop started going into terminal shock.  I had already lost the forward slash and back arrow keys, and had managed fine without them, but then the shift key started randomly switching on and off.  That not only meant that I was sometimes typing in caps and sometimes in all lower case and the period was replaced by a bracket, but I could not choose one file from a list–it would select all of them (thinking the shift key was deployed).  It is surprising how many features are linked to the shift key.  So I bought a new laptop a few days ago.  I charged it up, but have yet to turn it on. 

Partly that is from getting used to pen and paper in the lag time between computers.  Partly from the fear that I will have to learn a bunch of new features, and that seems like an unwanted chore.  Partly because it feels like a very big thing, and I want the proper occasion to celebrate its initiation into my life instead of just starting it up and typing out study notes like I’ve been doing.

I am really missing Kimberly badly.  My social life is so nonexistent in Lynchburg, that I have no one to turn to when she is gone.  I don’t mean no one would get together with me, but there’s nobody I really want to get together with.  I could get rid of the loneliness by just going to L’Arche, but that feels like an escape rather than a healthy choice… I want to be drawn into relationship with someone, not be driven to it by loneliness (or take it on as a task, even for my health).

I enjoy spending time with some folks in Lynchburg, but only mild enjoyment, not enough to inspire me to overcome my present inertia to make it happen.  I’m not sure why loneliness actually makes me less inclined to connect socially with others.  Any thoughts on that?

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Posted November 12, 2007 by janathangrace in Uncategorized

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