Kimberly and I are enjoying a sci-fi series called “Haven.” Last night they ended the show with a short dialogue I thought was profound. Chris is hugely popular, and he uses his popularity to manipulate others, though he knows he is not being his genuine self in doing so. He can only be himself when he is with Audrey, his “love” interest.
Chris: I want to be with you Audrey. I need to be with you.
Audrey: You once told me, ‘I want you because you’re you.’ Wanting me and needing me are two different things. I can’t be the person that keeps you you. You have to do that on your own. You’d eventually start resenting me for it.
THAT WAY!
God often uses us as his channels of grace, and we can support others in their efforts to heal and grow. But if we take responsibility for their change, it will prevent them from truly growing. They lack the courage or desire or understanding to move forward, and eventually they will resent us for obstructing their default path. We must all choose for ourselves the path of life and growth and the pace we take on the journey, and then others may support our will rather than substituting for it.
I’ve discovered that all the support in the world is of no use to me if I cannot receive it. No amount of compliments or empathy or affection can heal my heart unless I am somehow able to open to it. But opening to love makes me vulnerable… I can be hurt much more deeply by those I trust (and all humans fail). Kimberly and I have each discovered that unless we can find a means to value ourselves, external validation will make little impact. Grace knocks at our door but is also on the inside encouraging us to open. Grace is on the giving side, but also on the receiving side, supporting us with the courage and faith to accept. But we must acquiesce, for grace forces itself on no one.
Janathan Grace Reflections 
Have not seen this sci-fi show myself, but write in response to what I have read..
Support others in their efforts to heal and grow and love them in spite of what or how they choose.
Having expectation for how a person will change meaning they must choose this or that to be loved, accepted, and receive more healing and grace from their supporting partner, is not loving them and can prevent these from truly growing, and their willingness to then be vulnerable with the other. Selfishness appears to be leading the way in this scenario. If there are expectations one should understand what those expectations are and they will then do their best to meet them for the other.
Knowing one lacks the courage or desire or understanding to move forward is not taking responsibility for one’s choices. But, if one is left behind, forgotten by another because they do not choose to change as the other expects, they may resent attempts to obstruct their default path and would also be broken because they lost what they had believed was, but not based on love..(a fear of mine because I have been left in the “dust”). “We must all choose for ourselves the path of life and growth and the pace we take on the journey, and then others may support our will rather than substituting for it.” Understanding the underlying motivation for one’s choices is key. Supporting the person even when they choose opposite of the other’s expectation is loving selflessly.
Being there for another is offering grace where there is love given. Grace abounds and as the person finds peace, rest and a home.