How Am I?   2 comments

I phoned an old friend today.  He wasn’t in and I had to leave a message.  In anticipating his return call, I imagined Bob asking me, “How are you?”   What would I say?   What does the question mean?  How am I this moment or overall?  How am I in reference to what scale?  How am I feeling or how is my soul or how are circumstances or…?  Yes, I do complicate the simplest things, but it seems to lead me to a deeper understanding.

I think most people want a superficial (and pleasant) response, but my friends have learned to expect an honest, reflective answer from me… which begs the question, what is genuine?  Consider margarine–is it imitation butter or genuine margarine?  The truth is that I have been struggling for a few weeks about my self worth because I have been applying for a lot of second jobs, even minimum wage jobs, to cover the loss of income from Kimberly leaving her employment, and I have had no responses, as though I have nothing of value to offer the world.  My overall emotions continue to improve in the long view, but I still experience much more psychological turmoil than I wish, a mark of how much farther I have still to grow.  So the truth is that I am struggling.

However, I am like a cancer patient going through successful chemotherapy.  In spite of all the pain and sickness, signs of improving health are very evident.  I am on the road to recovery.  One can feel miserable while being in a very good place personally.  So the truth is that I am doing well, very well, increasingly well.  That does not mean that I am feeling happy or content.  Sometimes life is just hard (often hard for some of us), but it is well with my soul.

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Posted November 29, 2011 by janathangrace in Personal

2 responses to “How Am I?

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  1. Margarine is a non-food fyi. I call it poison. It is responsible for much gut fat. gf

    I listened to a Bluegrass song today. ” I’m not broke (but I am bent).”

  2. I thought margarine was made from plant oils?

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