Kimberly and I have been on vacation, hiking through ancient forests which we love. In Washington state the trees grow right to the edge of the land and on the steep volcanic slopes they eventually tip over far enough to uproot and land in the water. The trunks slowly get stripped of limbs and bark and then break free with the waves and tides. They float with the current to stack up against the land wherever there is an inlet or cove or beach. We were hiking yesterday and Kimberly commented on the “driftwood.” Oh, talk about obvious that I missed my whole life! As a preschooler I heard my mother rave about “driftwood,” wildly shaped and smoothed pieces of wood that she would arrange with dried plants into decorative pieces. I knew what driftwood looked like and eventually came to see it along the shores, but not till yesterday did I stop to consider, “Oh! drift-wood! Wood that drifts up against the land.” So very obvious but I never considered the origins of the term, or the origins of the wood, until yesterday.
Our childhood perceptions of the world have remarkable holding power. You can never ask the questions that are inaccessible because they fail to arise to consciousness. Unrecognized assumptions create such a logjam of blindness and relational misunderstandings. Awakening comes from listening with humility to differences. This was not how I was raised. We had the truth and were “mandated reporters,” needing to convince others of their errors and calling them to accept “the truth.” This is so spiritually and relationally stifling.
I was taught that the alternative to “truth” (dogma) was relativism which was a slippery slope to falsehood and chaos. Openness was not a virtue but a danger. I was taught all the answers, and any question that picked at the answer, like a fingernail under the sticker, invited error. If I found the answer to be unsatisfactory, the fault was my lack of faith which was the ultimate defense against doubt and questions. Faith meant believing what was received against any other evidence. In this case “what was received” was clearly outlined in doctrinal statements and the accompanying cultural accoutrements and was maintained by rejection of those outside these parameters who were doctrinally wrong and morally blind. The whole of church history was carefully retold to validate the final denoument in our belief structure. All the earlier errors were corrected, and we finally got it right.
What if the best synonym for faith is not belief but trust? Trust centers relationship. If I feel safe, I don’t fear questioning, but I feel empowered to question. What if the rope that anchors me is not my doctrine, my “getting it right,” but my God who always holds me? What if God WANTS me to be full of questions and finds that a key element of my growth, a never-ending discovery of greater understanding. I do not want to be driftwood that simply floats wherever the current flows. Driftwood is deadwood. I want to explore the infinite mystery of God.
Janathan Grace Reflections 
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