Some Kinds of Depression Are Better Than Others   6 comments

My latest bout of bruising depression that stomped in two weeks ago seems to be slipping away.  I don’t know why it came, I don’t know why it is pulling out.  For two or three days I have had a precarious emotional detente.  I can see the shadowy figures outside casing the place, but they haven’t broken in again. Their brooding distance doesn’t make for peace… or even recovery, but it gives relief.  I think if I keep steady, the marauders will draw back.  Those with experience know that depression includes more than awful feelings.  Even when the black lifts, the gray fog continues to deaden and debilitate, but I’d rather be under a cloud than under assault.fog

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Posted February 10, 2014 by janathangrace in Personal

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6 responses to “Some Kinds of Depression Are Better Than Others

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  1. Just out of curiosity, does your depression tend to last a few days on average or can it fluctuate multiple times a day?

    • If you mean the kind that drains me of energy and motivation and leaves me slogging through life as best I can… that would be permanent (well, for the last decade). If you mean the stuff that makes me feel like I just want to die, that can last a few days or a few months. The only thing that changes multiple times a day is superficial stuff that doesn’t touch my true life experience.

      • I thought so. You seem nice and you write really well, so I wish you the best of luck. Have a similar sort of depression myself and it’s nice to know there are very much like minded people out there. 🙂

      • Thank you for your kind words! Yes, others around us can misunderstand and be unintentionally hurtful or even judge and condemn. It is good to find those who can relate to our struggles. Good luck to you as well!

  2. How does your wife deal with your depression? How does it effect her? And what does she do to help?

    • Very good questions, Christine. I need to first let you know that Berly also struggles with depression, which affects our dynamic differently than other couples. That means that we are each naturally and easily more patient, understanding, and accepting of one another’s struggles. On the downside, it means neither of us has the energy to pick up the slack left by our respective disabilities, which makes our overall life more precarious from several angles (including financial), and we can only make small contributions towards a more upbeat experience of life. I should put “downside” in quotation marks because it is in reality a mixed blessing since the first drives us more to faith, which is always a good direction, and the second drives us more to depth (finding sustenance in more profound things than “positive” life events). The end result is greater maturity and deeper relational connection, but minimal enjoyment… and if we had a choice, we would go for more happiness and less growth. That is, when we have a choice, we keep choosing the difficult and painful good over the short-term and pleasant misdirection because we know we can’t fool ourselves into enjoying the distractions that others find so agreeable. Or to put it a different way, our coping mechanisms are too weak to sustain us in an alternate reality. I do have some thoughts to more directly answer your questions. Let me respond by taking the time to write more thoughtfully and put it in an actual blog post.

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