When Being a Mess Is the Best I Can Do   2 comments

Sometimes I scribble thoughts as I walk my dogs, juggling pen and paper with two retractable leashes in hand, jerked around by the dogs straining for the next bush.  The writing is barely decipherable, and when I get home the little scraps of paper drift around from pocket to desk to bag… or laundry… or trashcan where the burning insight is lost.  I’m looking at my pile of scraps now: dentist appointment, a grocery list, a receipt and rebate form, a sticky note with two items scratched through and the third reading, “fix dome light.”  My whole life is like that, bits and pieces shuffled around and often dropped or misplaced in spite of my best intentions.  I try to keep the most important or urgent things on top of the stack. I lost our backup hard-drive somewhere and having looked everywhere more than once, have presumed it’s gone, along with my electric razor that I haven’t seen in two weeks.  I used to be so disciplined, had my life planned out on a grid, kept my ducks marching in step.  My life was organized, but my heart was crushed.  I’d rather be a mess than a machine.  Perhaps one day I will get back enough energy to set my life a little more in step and find enough rhythm to give direction to my confused soul, but for now I just want to learn to be at peace with my own shortcomings, learn the unforced rhythms of grace.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

                                                                                                           –Jesus (Matthew 11:28-30 from The Message)

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Posted February 5, 2015 by janathangrace in Uncategorized

2 responses to “When Being a Mess Is the Best I Can Do

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  1. I appreciate what you said about your ‘heart being crushed’ when your life was together and organized. Great reminder than life is a ‘journey of grace’ and not an ‘act to perform’. I feel like I constantly fight the “temptation” to get really anxious and frenetic about cleaning my life up, especially at the beginning of each year, instead of pacing myself towards things that need some improvement with a healthy perspective on grace. As Brennan Manning book title says, “All is Grace”.

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