Janathan Grace Reflections   This is my journey of self discovery shared with you

I don’t have much to report, but thought I should say something.  I took the red cross CPR and first aid course so that I can get licensed to provide direct care to developmentally disabled folks.  I am seriously considering joining the home where Kimberly works.  One problem is that I have two speeding tickets in the last two years which doesn’t give me a good driving record (so I may not be able to transport folks)… does anybody know if there is a way to reduce points on your d.l. (like taking drivers ed. or something)?  I will be going to Europe to speak to a small group of missionaries April 7, and will be flying out of D.C. so I hope to visit with some of you folks before and/or after.

I watched Memento a couple of nights ago.  It was the most confusing, disorienting movie I have ever watched, but brilliant in making one vicariously experience what the actor (Guy Pearce) is experiencing.  For those who haven’t seen it, it is about a guy who has no short-term memory… he can remember what happened to him before his head injury, but since that point, he can only remember events from the previous 5-10 minutes.  He can only manage life by taking polaroid shots and writing himself notes as a substitute memory.  To make us experience this feeling, the movie is shot in reverse, that is, it starts with the last event to happen and works backwards in time in 5-minute vignettes… so the viewer also doesn’t know what happened before the scene currently being shown (i.e. has no memory).  To make it more confusing, it intersperses another sequence in black-and-white, which moves forward in time from the beginning… you reach the end of the movie as the forward moving sequence finally merges with the backward moving sequence so that the movie ends right in the middle (chronologically).  They also close-cropped the shots and reduced other tell-tale locational cues (for instance, there are at least three different motels, but they all look alike).  By the end of the movie, I understood the general plot, but the order of the sequences (which is important) was all confused.  So I decided to watch it again now that I understood the plot (I’ve never done that before with a movie).  But by the 4th sequence, I was again confused about what things had or had not happened by that point, so I ran the video to the end and started watching the colored sequence in reverse order (in other words, in the right order chronologically).  It was well acted with a very creative plot and approach, but I guess it was the figuring it all out that really hooked me.

What Jes said about anger reminds me of a book I have been reading repeatedly for the last year and giving out as gifts to everyone, The Dance of Anger.  It is so powerful, so insightful, and has helped me tremendously not only in understanding my anger, but so many other swirling emotions as well.  I highly recommend it.

I am preparing to join Kimberly part time in working at L’Arche helping developmentally disabled folks in a group home.  I feel so much more comfortable with the folks at L’Arche than with church folks… they are much more committed to honesty, real relationship, and a gracious spirit.

Xanga tells me it’s been 333 days since I joined.  Hey, nobody told me how to get those linked little pictures of books/movies/etc. on my blog site.  How do you do it?  Come on, somebody and tell me the secret.

Berly and I watched a terrific movie the other day.  I think it was called What Dreams May Come with Robin Williams (the title is so forgettable).  If you interpret the segment on hell as a commentary on life in this world, it gives a much better take I think.  But the theme (and subthemes) is powerful: someone who is deeply hurting is more deeply wounded rather than helped by the other person being ‘strong’ instead of empathetic. 

1. My uncle once: had a cure for skin cancer on dogs… cod liver oil.

2. Never in my life have I: bought a car (until I bought Kimberly’s this fall)

3. The one person who can drive me nuts, but then can always make me smile: some people drive me nuts, lots of people make me smile… I can’t think of one person who does both.

4. High School is: where I grew up and finally bought completely into the evangelical paradigm of the world, from which I am still trying to extricate myself.

5. When I’m nervous: I take control of the situation or avoid it completely

6. The last time I cried was: Friday at the funeral of my good friend here in Lynchburg

7. If I were to get married right now my bridesmaids/groomsmen would be: My brother David… after that it would be a hard choice to limit it.

8. My hair: Kimberly likes it when I have a little curl in my bangs (I think maybe that’s a throwback to Grease that she starred in for her high school play)

9. My feet are: average

10. When I was 5: I attended a Japanese kindergarten

11. Last Christmas I: climbed Sharp Top Mountain with Kimberly.

12. When I turn my head left, I see: shelves of books to the ceiling.

13. When I turn my head right, I see: an old computer, filing cabinets, desk, CDs, books, trashcan, a window with blinds and black curtains.

14. When I look down I see: my spiderman pajamas.

15. The craziest recent event was: I had terrible stomach cramps and finally went to the emergency room at 3 a.m. (don’t ask for details!)

16. If I was a character on ‘Friends’ I’d be: chandler if I had to act it, but none of them are like me.

17. By this time next year: I hope to have my doctorate

18. The biggest truth I’ve learned in the last year: that my feelings are important to listen to.

19. I have a hard time understanding: why most things in a “dollar” store cost more than a dollar.

20. One time at a family gathering: our family made a quilt together for my folks 40th wedding anniversary depicting different scenes from their lives (I have it now).

21. You know I “like” you if: I put my arm around you or pat you on the arm or back

22. If I won an award, the first person (people) I’d thank is: God.

23. Take my advice: figure out who you are and then be yourself

24. My ideal breakfast is: a buffet including lots of danishes and donuts.

26. Where do you plan to visit anytime soon: D.C.

27. The farthest trip I have taken from home is to: India

28. I’d stop my wedding if: my bride couldn’t go through with it.

29. The world could do without: WWF

30. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: give up sweets

31. Most recent thing you’ve bought yourself: books (surprised anyone?)

32. Most recent thing someone else bought you: today a sweatshirt from Peaks of Otter (at Sharp Top Mountain) from Kimberly.

33. My favorite time of day is: sunset, then dusk… but sometimes sunrise.

34. My favorite store is: Cinnabon or Cold Stone Creamery… if that doesn’t count, REI

35. favorite ringtone is: I just use a generic tone

36. And by the way: I’ve done almost nothing on my dissertation, and I’m happy about it!

37. The last time I was high: I’d like to try it sometime to see what it’s like.

38. The person who I last talked to told me: “I like you” (Kimberly)

39. I shouldn’t have been: going back for seconds on dessert after thirds on dinner plates at the lunch buffet today.

40. Once, at a bar/club: I went to support a female co-worker who didn’t want to be there with the guy who had invited her.

41. Last night: I watched The Right Stuff.  I didn’t like it.

42. There’s this girl I know who is: pretty close to divorce because she and her husband don’t understand their own issues.

43. There is this guy I know: who died last week minutes before the super bowl started… kind of puts things in perspective.

44. A better name for me would be: Special K, Da Glass or Glass (from Douglas, my first name)

45. If I ever go back to school I’ll: get my Ph.D. in Theology

Berly’s sister Kristen is here for the weekend, so I don’t get to see her much.  It has been snowing all day and I guess will snow all night… several inches of accumulation so far.  I saw two really great videos recently.  How do you post those little pictures of the book or movie you watched to your website?  I went biking in the snow today… didn’t wipe out as you might expect.  I would rather go biking in the snow than on an overcast, dry day (because I like the snow).  But the temperature was a little above freezing, so it was soggy and my socks got wet.  They were VERY cold by the time I got home.

Berly was co-director of a group home called L’Arche.  She felt very stressed by the job: all the responsibility, feeling the expectations exceeded her energy, etc.  The one person that made the job worth it for her was the other director.  He died last night suddenly of a heart attack.  He was both an emotional support for her and an occupational support–taking most of the heat for difficult things.  He and his wife had started to really click with us as good friends–we went out for dinner and a movie the night before he died.  

Now the likelihood is that she will be pressured to carry on the job on her own, at least in the short-term, which would include doing things that she hates doing and wipe her out emotionally.  Of course, she can’t just quit or the house would probably come apart.  Please pray for her, the home, and me as I try to support her.

I’ve started helping on a volunteer basis at L’Arche where Berly works.  L’Arche is a group home for those with disabilities, ‘core’ members, who live together with ‘assistants’ who have fewer disabilities (or ‘normal’ as the world at large wrongly calls them).   There are 4 (soon to be 5) core members in this large house and 4 live-in assistants (plus a few like Berly who come in from outside during the day).  Kimberly is a co- house-manager (L’Arche has over 100 of these homes world-wide).  I go in Thursday afternoon to assist the core folk while the assistants have a team meeting .

Okay, so what’s the protocol for responding to comments to a blog?  If I just add another comment to the comment, the original commentor may not go back to read the new comment, especially if it has been a couple of days between.  How do you guys handle this?

It is great having email connection again.  The weather is beautiful this morning (isn’t it interesting that how I feel effects how I see the weather and not just the other way around)… the fact is it’s a bit chilly, but I’ll take sunny with any temperature rather than cloudy.  It has been mostly cloudy all winter here.  “Partly cloudy” where I come from means the day alternates between sunny and cloudy, but here it means sunny till 10 or 11 a.m. and then totally overcast the rest of the day (I noticed the same in Arlington).  I will be travelling to Europe to speak the second and third week of April and may be going through D.C. and catch up with some of yous guys.  Have a great day!